A little over a year ago, I had barely thought about cancer. I had lost some incredible people to it (Mr Kahl, Heather Kahl Holmes, and Stacey Clark) and only knew a few people that had battled it before. It is incredible what a year changes.
I was very open about my battle with cancer with the hopes that should a friend ever go through this, they would know that I am there to help. Sadly, I have had several friends have to deal with cancer, chemo, and surgeries recently. I am thrilled that they reached out to me and that I was able to help in any way, but sad that I had to help anyone. This is a journey you never want anyone to join for. That said, it got me thinking about things I learned and tips to give them and figured it doesn’t hurt to share them here.
Things I found helpful to bring or wear to chemo sessions.
- Warm blanket. I know since COVID, my clinic removed the quilts, but even when they were there, I preferred my own blanket.
- Warm socks. The room can be cold, but even if it isn’t, comfort is massively important.
- Button or zip down shirt. I found wearing a tank top with a button down or zip down shirt over it was easiest. This allowed the nurses easy access to the port without stretching out shirts.
- Water bottle. I think one of the things that helped me the most through chemo was drinking so much water. I always had water nearby and drank a lot. I even made it through 2 Nalgenes each night (I don’t recommend that…lots of waking up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night).
- Snacks. You will likely be there a bit so bring snacks. I would aim for things you enjoy, but don’t love. I realize now that I brought Banana Chips a lot and now I really don’t want to eat them given they are emotionally linked back to chemo. Or aim to bring something different each time so you don’t associate specific foods with treatments.
- Entertainment. I would usually bring my computer and a book so I could decide what sounded better each day. Also don’t forget headphones. I was surprised that there wasn’t a lot of chatter with others during my treatments. My clinic had iPads with movies but I never used them. Sleep at treatment if you are tired. It is hard with lots of alarms everywhere, but if I was tired enough, it was the best way to pass the session.
- Guests. My mom came to several of the treatments and I know a lot of patients loved having others there. I found that we both ended up just reading and doing our own thing, but if you want to have someone there to talk to (post COVID), ask someone to join. In non-COVID times, I know I could have a couple of people join (although I would limit it to no more than 2 people given the space isn’t normally big and my clinic didn’t allow kids).
Other things I found helpful or wish I had known
- If getting the Red Devil chemo: This is a fitting name given it is the one that kicked my ass. My nurses offered ice cubes or a frozen pop to numb my mouth while they pushed this drug. The goal was to limit the mouth sores it would cause. I found it helped, but I can’t even look at a red ice pop anymore. I recommend trying both, just be aware you may never enjoy ice pops again. Also I did find I gaged a lot during that time. I think it was my body fighting it. Just telling you that in case you have that response since I had no idea if that is normal.
- Ask questions! Looking back, I didn’t ask enough questions and I regret that. Ask questions when you are curious, confused, or any other reason. Doctors and nurses are happy to explain things to you and take advantage of that.
- Advocate for yourself. You know your body, so always listen to it. Your body will be beyond confused so ask if you don’t know if something is ok. I even called the after hours hotline after one of my surgeries because I was concerned about something small. They confirmed it wasn’t a big deal and that I could wait til my next appointment, which allowed me to stop stressing. If something feels off or extreme, tell your oncologist. They will ask how you are doing and make sure you are honest with them. They have tricks to help you feel better and pre-chemo meds to address different issues so always tell them the truth on how you are feeling.
- Claritin was a life saver for me. I had minor reactions to something and was itchy, especially on my scalp. My doctor recommended Claritin and it helped so much. I actually took it every day for 5 months. Some only take it at treatment time, but I found every day kept the itching away.
- Bath bombs. Sounds stupid and I am not a bath person, but I found relaxing bath bombs would help with aches and fatigue.
- Sleep! I slept at least 10 hours a night during the months of treatments. Don’t fight it. Get as much sleep as you can because your body needs it.
- Food. People respond to chemo differently and so do their taste buds. Overall, you want to aim for bland food as it sits better. If you get a metal taste in your mouth, use plastic silverware to help. If you find something that works well, embrace it. I know cheese was something my body handled well so I embraced meals that had that. Your taste buds will also change if you switch drugs. I hated sugar and alcohol during my first 4 treatments, but my love for both (in moderation of course) came back after I switched treatments. Check with your doctor if having alcohol is ok (they told me I wouldn’t want it…which was true for a large portion of the time). At times you will have to force yourself to eat even though nothing sounds or tastes good. Talk to your doctor if struggling to find foods that taste ok.
- Emotional. I found I am way more emotional (still am) than I used to be. I cry more often and I know that is ok now. Still it is hard to find yourself crying randomly. Just accept that is what you need to do sometimes.
- Fatigue. I never knew I could be that tired. We all have a tendency to say we are tired when we have a rough day, but I learned what real fatigue was during chemo. You will be exhausted and your body won’t feel good. Don’t fight it too much. Get out and walk when you can and exercise if you have energy, but accept that some days you will just have to stay on the couch or in bed.
- Accept help. I am as independent as can be, but even I knew when to ask for help. It can be depending on family or friends, but make sure you have someone there to help when you need it. Let them know what they can do to help. Also you can say that you are ok and you appreciate the offers, but you do not need anything. Everyone wants to help, but you know what you need. My mom was here every time I felt terrible, so she took care of me. Since she was there, I really didn’t need extra help. I told my friends that I would rather enjoy their company during the times I was feeling better. They understood and were ready when I needed them.
- You are beautiful! I think I stressed more about losing my hair than any other aspects of chemo. I couldn’t hide what I was going through and that terrified me. I hated looking in the mirror for weeks because the person looking back wasn’t me. It is not easy to accept your new look. The best things I can say is that you will get used to it. You do not have to love it, but it is easier if you accept it to the best of your ability. I always wore a hat when around people because I just wasn’t brave enough to go bald (also bald heads get cold really easily). Do what makes you feel comfortable and do not worry about what makes others comfortable. This is about you and only you! If you want to wear a hat or wig, do it! If you want to expose that beautiful head of yours, do it! Bald is beautiful!
- Pets! Any pet you have will likely be stuck to your side. Callie wouldn’t leave me when I was feeling down. Embrace it and take the love.
- Planning. I love travel and I hated that I missed a trip or two because of cancer. Since I couldn’t travel, I started to plan my epic “I Beat Cancer” trip. Thanks to COVID, mine hasn’t happened how I planned, but it still helped me push through knowing that an incredible vacation was around the corner.
- This will be hard. I will not sugar coat it. There will be times you are tired beyond belief. There will be times you will cry yourself to sleep at night. There will be times that you feel terrible. There will also hopefully be times that are not that bad. There will be times that friends and family become your heros for helping. There are times your dog will cuddle with you for days. There will be terrible times, but there will also be decent times. Hold onto the decent times and you will get through the hard times.
I hope you never need these tips, but if you do, I will be here to help. I am a great listener and here for venting, crying, encouraging, and anything else I can help with.