In case you have not noticed all of the pink everywhere, it is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Yes, I started this blog at the beginning of the month and am barely publishing before the end of the month, but better late than never. Breast Cancer Awareness month has made me reflect on my experience with First Descents in August. First Descents provides life-changing outdoor adventures for young adults impacted by cancer and other serious medical conditions like MS.
First Descents is a recognized leader in outdoor experiential programming. Through outdoor adventures, skills development, and local adventure communities FD improves the long-term survivorship of young adults impacted by cancer and other serious health conditions.
Our participants experience free outdoor adventure programs that empower them to climb, paddle, and surf beyond their diagnosis, reclaim their lives, and connect with others doing the same. Our programs are open to any young adult diagnosed with cancer or MS between the age of (15-39), and currently between the age of (18-45). To learn more about our eligibility requirements, click here.
First Descents
When I was diagnosed, someone alerted me to look into First Descents since I love outdoor adventures. I thought it looked great since who doesn’t want a free week of amazing outdoor adventures and delicious food. I was late to sign up for trips last year so I was on the ball this year to find a trip I was excited about.
I really wanted to try white water kayaking and travel for it. The Rogue River in Oregon sounded fun so I signed up for it. In hindsight, I probably could have done a trip in Colorado and saved money on the flight but where is the fun in that.
I was super nervous going into this trip. I have traveled solo and joined group trips alone before, but this seemed different. Everyone going had an experience with cancer. I don’t talk about cancer much. I blogged about it and am open if asked about it, but it isn’t something I bring up much. I also don’t love overly sharing my feelings about how I am doing. I was afraid the trip would be a lot of feelings and emotions and honestly, it scared me. I wasn’t in a great place going into the trip emotionally, but I was going to give it my best shot.
The trip was incredible in so many ways. Everything is taken care of for you. They want you to be able to focus on yourself and having fun. We had two chefs prepare gourmet, healthy, and delicious meals for us each day. We were not even able to help clean up the table since we were supposed to relax and let them take care of us. We had a professional photographer on the trip to capture all of the fun. We had several staffers and volunteers to assist with everything else and a group of Sundance Kayak instructors to teach us all about kayaking. There is not a single thing we wanted for and it was crazy and amazing.
When you join a First Descents trip, you come up with a nickname for yourself. The goal here is to let yourself be whoever you want (and also avoid having the same names within the group). Some people come up with nicknames easily, while others, like me, struggled with it. While getting set up with our kayaking gear, we discovered my head is small and didn’t fit into any of the helmets correctly. The lead guide disappeared and came back with a helmet that had not fit anyone in 4 years. It was a perfect fit for me, hence how I came to have the nickname of Strutter, the brand of helmet that fit me. It took a few days to actually respond to your nickname, but it was fun.
The kayaking portion was incredible. It is nerve wracking to go through rapids on a kayak that can easily flip. We all knew how to bail if needed, but I preferred staying on top of the water. I had one fall during a game, but otherwise made it through the rapids successfully, although there were a lot of very close calls. Sundance Kayak was the perfect outfitter for this trip. They were a wonderful group of people that taught us a lot and also joined in for all of the other fun stuff happening that week. I cannot thank the instructors enough for their patience and instruction while we all figured out what we were doing. I hope to get out again next year and practice all of those skills. The wolf hat in the photos is a fun thing I had on the last day 🙂
The rest of the weekend is full of getting to know each other and becoming part of the First Descents family. I have never been with a group of people that all know what is it like to have cancer. All of our cancers and experiences were different, but we still bonded. I cannot believe how much some have had to go through and they are still living life to the fullest. It was a fun week of getting to know each other through conversations, challenges on the river, “fireside” chats, and more. Some of us had dealt with cancer years ago while others are still fighting it now. Everyone one of us had a story to share and I loved hearing them all.
I feel like I cheated the system since my body responded well to all of the different treatments. After hearing about other people’s treatments, I know I cheated the cancer system. The people I met are absolute warriors. That being said, I had some discussions with people that made me feel less alone. There were several things that I related to and was relieved to hear I was not the only one.
1- It is hard to ask for or accept help, especially when you are used to being independent. I (and others) pride ourselves on being able to handle anything thrown our way on our own terms. Cancer forced us all to take a step back and accept help at times. That is hard, but forced us to learn more about ourselves.
2- Survivorship has been harder for me than being a cancer patient. When you are in your cancer fight, you follow the doctors directions and show up where you need to be each week. Your whole goal is to fight the cancer and do whatever is needed to get through. Everyone rallies around you to get you to remission. Then you are “done” and expected to move on with life. You are led to believe that you should be thrilled to be a survivor and move on. But your body is not “done”. Your body has gone through trauma and will never be the same. You are on drugs that mess with your emotional and physical state. You always have the thought on your brain that cancer may come back. It sits in the back of your mind, but comes up every time you have to go in for a check up or anytime something seems off in your body. You are not the same and moving on is hard.
In talking about survivorship, I was relieved to hear that I was not the only person struggling. Everyone faces different issues post cancer. Three of us were good athletes before our treatments. We all prided ourselves on our athletic ability and our love for anything active. Treatments and ongoing drugs have changed that for us. We can no longer do activities to the same level. Things that used to be easy are now hard. We can still get through it, but mentally, it is exhausting to not be “good enough” in our minds. I still struggle enjoying running and hiking at times because no matter how much I train, I cannot get back to the shape I was pre-cancer. It is hard to be the limiter in the group on runs and hikes. I will likely never run consistent 10 minute miles again. I may never be able to climb a mountain without tons of breaks. I may never be the athlete I was before cancer. It is hard for any athlete to accept that. It was a relief to know that I was not alone.
On top of not being as physically fit, most of us have lasting side effects caused by chemo or ongoing medication. For me and other breast cancer survivors, this means hot flashes, terrible memory, emotional and mental hurdles, and more. I sleep terribly most nights given I wake up with hot flashes. I have to write everything down or I will forget. You should see my phone calendar and spreadsheets I use to track all of my travel agent actions. The drugs I am on make me super emotional about everything. I cry every day for one thing or another. I was a girl that rarely cried before cancer (and was completely ok with that) to being the girl that gets emotional about everything (and hates it).
All this to say, that is was incredible to hear that others were going through some of the same roadblocks that I was. I was convinced I was crazy for struggling with survivorship and everything that came with it. Meeting this group of people, who were so open about their successes and struggles, was eye opening and absolutely amazing. I cannot thank them enough for their openness and camaraderie. We are all dedicated to making the most of the life that we have a chance at living.
I am so thankful for my week in Oregon with First Descents. If you know a young adult dealing with cancer or MS, please send them the First Descents info. It may push people out of their comfort zone for a week, but I promise it is worth it.
One of my fellow participants is still fighting his cancer battle and needs our help. Charl is an incredible person that I spent a lot of time with on and off the river and enjoyed getting to know him and learning about his life. He is a 6th grade math teach and I could feel the love he had for his job and the kids. He shared stories about his husband and we bonded over dog stories and photos. Charl fought cancer in his salivary gland in 2012 but follow up scans in 2018 showed a mass in his brain. He has gone through a mix of treatments including surgery, chemo, and radiation. Sadly, the chemo is no longer working and his cancer is spreading. He needs 24 hour care and supervision. If you have the ability to donate to help with the many costs he is facing, please use this link.
Finally, given it is breast cancer awareness month, please make sure you are doing all of your annual checkups. Schedule that mammogram. Talk to your doctor if you think something is wrong. It never hurts to talk it out. My mammogram was October 23, 2019 and I am so glad I brought up this random lump on my chest to catch the cancer early.
