This was originally posted on my previous blog on September 28, 2016.
I have started my five week epic cross country road trip and will be blogging along the way so people can follow my adventures. The most asked question about this trip is why are you taking off 5 weeks now? Well two answers to this…the first is that I have hoarded vacation for 7 years and have accumulated a lot so why not take it and go on a dream vacation. The second reason isn’t as easy to explain.
I have been struggling the last 1.5 years with life. It is not a mid-life crisis (yes I did just turn 30), but more struggling with depression. I have lost my passion in life and I am hoping this trip can help me rediscover it. My coworkers are calling it my “Eat, Pray, Love” tour and I am game for that. I have started to question everything in my life to try to find ways to get out of my funk. Am I in the right job? Will a new hobby help? Should I move to start fresh? What caused this depression to start 1.5 years ago?
These are all questions that I have an amazing amount of car time to think through. I have been seeing a therapist and she asked what should have been an easy question the other day: “What are you passionate about?” This used to be an easy question that I would answer triathlons, family and friends, food, baking, adventures, etc. I have become a very social person since graduating from college and I enjoyed all the parties and get-togethers with friends. But when she asked this a few weeks ago, I couldn’t come up with much. I answered my dog, ice cream, and cookie dough. She laughed but I was serious. I have lost my love for food and have been having ice cream or cookie dough for dinner too often. I don’t enjoy the gourmet meals anymore or grilling out. The food has almost lost its flavor for me. My body does crave sugar though which is mostly what I have been surviving on. I have given up on triathlons for now, I just don’t have the energy for it. I still love my family and friends but the relationships are changing as people move away, get into relationships, or discover new passions. She said that the first thing to getting back into my groove was finding something I was passionate about again. I still haven’t figured out what will work for me, but I will continue working on it until I do find it.
Over the last 4 years, I have become very passionate about traveling and seeing new places and cultures, so this trip seemed like a way to find my passion again and figure out life. Do I know if it will work? Who knows. I will learn lessons along the way, reconnect with friends and family, and get some time away to figure out what I love about my life. It won’t solve all of my problems, but it is an adventure I will never forget (or likely have this much vacation for ever again).
So this blog for the next 5 weeks will be documenting my journey, things I have learned, and the amazing places I will be traveling to. No matter what, it will be an epic adventure, which is exactly what I am looking for right now.