You always believe it will never happen to you. Cancer happens to others and you feel horrible for them, but of course I won’t get it. I am active and young and healthy.
Well it did happen to me. I was in the shower one day in late September and while washing I rubbed against my breast and it felt tender. I prodded a little more and found a decent size lump at the top of my left breast, pretty much on my chest. It seemed relatively large and tender to the touch. I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed it before, but I figured it wasn’t a good thing.
I scheduled an appointment to have my physician look at it the next week. Well I technically didn’t have a physician yet, so I got a referral from a colleague and booked an appointment. She confirmed it was a lump (I had no doubt about that part) and wanted me to get a mammogram/ultrasound to get it checked out, but she didn’t seem worried. Lumps for breast cancer rarely hurt and this was pretty sensitive.
I called the next morning to schedule a mammogram and found out that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and that the next mammogram/ultrasound possible was in three weeks. I shrugged and took the next possible appointment. My whole goal at this time was to determine it was a cyst and hopefully have it drained before my 3 week trip to Patagonia at the beginning of November.
The three weeks dragged on. I found the lump became more sensitive to touch (probably because I was so aware of it). Bras and seat belts rubbed against it and bothered me. It is amazing how I went from not knowing the lump existed to it bothering me daily.
Mammogram/Ultra Sound
October 23 finally arrived. I had a mammogram scheduled with the potential for an ultra sound if needed.
You hear so many bad things about mammograms and how much they hurt. I didn’t find that was an issue. The technician was wonderful and we chatted through it. It is awkward, but pretty fast and relatively painless (until the lump was squished).
The technician went to show the doctor the results while I waited to find out if an ultra sound was needed. I should have guessed it was bad when I was told I needed it. The ultra sound technician was also a wonderful lady who talked me through the process.
I do not have a medical degree, but I could easily see a large lump on the ultra sound. The tech was very focused on it and called the doctor in for a check. I could tell pretty quickly that both the ultra sound tech and the doctor were too interested in the lump and measuring it. After what seemed like forever, the doctor turned to me and told me that I had breast cancer.
I know most people would freak out at this point. I could tell they expected me to cry or have a bigger response, but I mostly starred at him and accepted what he told me. For some reason, I had expected this response. I didn’t know what to ask at this point. They both told me some information but I don’t really remember it. I do remember them asking if I had any questions. The only question I had for them was, can I go on my 3 week trip to Patagonia that starts in 2 weeks. They both gave me sad looks and didn’t seem very confident that I would be making that trip.
However, thanks to my scheduled trip, things moved faster since they needed information before I planned to leave. They scheduled the ultra sound guided biopsy for the following morning and started to work on getting me an appointment with the breast surgeon.
I called my mom and dad to break the news and then I went to work. I had a meeting with my boss and a presentation later that day. I told my boss immediately since I knew I would be missing a decent amount of work soon. I aced the presentation later that day. It felt like a weird dream going through the day with that news, but I had no idea what it meant so I focused on the tasks at hand (presentation) and moved on.
Biopsy
I showed up the next morning not really knowing what the biopsy entailed. The tech had told me a little the day before, but I didn’t ask many questions.
The biopsy wasn’t fun. I laid on my side on a table and the doctor used the ultra sound to guide needles in to collect small samples from the large lump and a suspicious looking lymph node. The biopsy of the lump wasn’t too bad since it was easy to reach, but the biopsy of the lymph node was more painful. They had to go in through my armpit. After about 15 different samples, I was done and good to go.
Again, thanks to my scheduled vacation, they had been able to schedule an appointment with the breast surgeon for the following week, where I would learn more about the details and the next steps. Now it was just a waiting game.
They called on Friday afternoon to confirm that the biopsy showed cancer in the lump. The good news is the biopsy of the lymph node didn’t show cancer. At least there are small blessings.
The fun part of this all (beside the news of having cancer) is that the biopsy left huge bruises on my breast and armpit. It hurt to use my left arm for several days thanks to the deep bruising. The other fun part was trying to hide this from everyone. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone other than family and my boss because I didn’t know what to tell them. I didn’t know any details yet and I had no action plan. Telling someone you have cancer without any details is just asking for looks of pity, which I was determined to avoid. So my goal was to wait until I knew more before I told anyone.