Journey With Sam

My friend Jen sent a few of us a link to a TEDx talk stating it had lots of optimism and photography. Of course I was excited to watch it (as I am most TEDx talks when I get around to watching them). Dewitt Jones, a National Geographic photographer, talked about looking at life through different lenses and seeing the celebration and good in the world. It was a much needed reminder of how to see the best in life, even when there is so much that isn’t great. I highly encourage everyone watch it: https://celebratewhatsright.com/index.php/tedx

I have heard from many people that I am brave and strong for taking on cancer. I appreciate the thought, but I don’t see it as being brave or strong, but doing what I need to do. I don’t find a reason to dwell on the negative of cancer because I can’t change it. My body has a disease and the only option I have is to fight it. I want to focus on the positives that come from it. It isn’t easy all the time. And yes, I do have bad days and days I am mad at my body and the world for limiting me. I am devastated by the trips I will miss with friends and some of the opportunities I will miss because of my current physical limitations. I am mad that I have lost all of my stamina and running ability. And yes…actually Sunday, the day I wrote this, was a day that I was annoyed, tired, and sad until watching the video. But what good is dwelling on the negative.

I have tried to find the silver linings of cancer. You have probably read that many people find a new purpose in life or get a better understanding of life, but I haven’t found that yet. Instead I have found lots of small silver linings. I am trying to look through the lens of celebration that Dewitt talks about. I am trying to reframe obstacles into opportunities.

• I have reconnected with friends from years past including high school and college friends and former colleagues. Cancer has allowed me to redevelop some of these friendships that I thought were mostly in the past.
• I have found incredible support through my friends and family. I am so lucky to have these wonderful people in my life.
• I have gotten extra time to spend with my mom. I know she doesn’t get to see me at my best, but just having these extra weeks with her is special. Yes I would prefer our week on the Disney cruise instead, but I still love spending time with her.
• I don’t have to shave for the next few months. Every female understands this is a big win. Fingers crossed my leg hair doesn’t grow back since I was told that could happen.
• I am thankful that I don’t have kids or dependents at this time. I know that seems like a weird silver lining, but on the days I am down and out, I don’t have to worry about what my kids are doing or force myself to do something my body can’t. I have so much respect for those that have to handle cancer with kids and can’t image how hard that would be.
• I get to take things slower. Yes, honestly this is hard for me to claim as a positive, but I have time to rest and regroup. I am sure this will be a positive for me in the long run.
• I get to develop a new sense of confidence. I read a blog yesterday about dating after cancer. The author describes the difficulties of looking different and losing confidence in her looks. I totally understand this. Being bald is going against cultural norms of beauty. It stripes away confidence you didn’t even realize you had hiding behind your hair. I look forward to gaining a different set of confidence.
• I have the ability to handle this financially (even though it will cost me a trip or two). Medical costs add up and lead to an incredible amount of stress for so many. I am beyond thankful that I have great insurance and the ability to financially handle this.

Cancer isn’t fun. No one wants it. And lets be honest…chemo sucks! That doesn’t mean everything is bad and that the next 6 months will be horrible. My cancer is treatable and I am lucky to just spend a few months of my life fighting it. My goal is to strive to find the silver linings, no matter how small, and turn some of these obstacles into opportunities.