Journey With Sam

I finished Taxol treatment #10 today and only have two left!!!! I am so excited to get past this part of my life and on to the next (ok so I am not really excited about surgery at all). Treatments are always easy for me. It is two hours in a comfy chair talking to the wonderful nurses and relaxing. It is 2-3 hours where I do what I want to do. I do not bring work with me (well I do some travel agent work, but I think of that more as a hobby). The nurses (well everyone if I am being honest but I interact with the nurses the most) at Rocky Mountain Cancer Center in Longmont are incredible. I don’t know how, but they are always upbeat with a smile to offer. We have gotten to know each other over the last 17 weeks and I actually look forward to chatting with them all. Thank God for these ladies that put you at ease during a not fun time in your life. I cannot thank them enough. Today, I enjoyed the appointment even more. I was able to be in a room full of people. Yes the chairs are at least 6 feet apart but I had face to face human interaction. It was glorious!

So how did last week go? It was a roller coaster of emotions. I am sure you all have been having similar feelings as I did last week. Staying home seems like fun until you are stuck at home. Zoom and FaceTime meetings only help so much. I had up and down days. My moods were a little all over the place and I am not gonna lie, I struggled. I am an extrovert and enjoy human interaction. I need my alone time, but this is definitely over doing it. It doesn’t help to add fatigue and a lack of normal taste buds to add to the emotional stress.

Things I learned:

• Grocery stores are scary right now. I went during the older/immunocompromised time on Thursday and it felt like the apocalypse had happened. People refusing to look at each other like we might pass COVID if we even smile and say hi. Even better was being called out for not being old by a 70 year old. She seemed genuinely pissed when I told her I have cancer and currently going through treatments. What a strange world and I really have no interest in going back there. Instacart and ordering from local joints will be the way forward for me.
• Parks and trails are the exact opposite. People will look at you and smile and say hi. Some will even ask how you are doing. It is nice to know that some people still believe in being kind.
• There are so many incredible people in this world doing all they can to help. I have to keep remembering this when I get down. I have never felt so helpless as I do right now. I am immunocompromised so I can’t offer to pick up groceries for others. I can’t help where I normally would have stepped up. It is hard for me to accept.
• I need human interaction even if it isn’t frequent and even if it has to happen 6 ft away. I did a run with 2 friends where we ran together, but 6 feet apart. It is actually easy to tell the distance apart when I bring Callie since her running leash is about 6 feet long. Running at a distance just means you need to talk louder. Also thanks to a few friends who love to bake and shared their amazing baked goods with me.
• Booking cruises at the moment isn’t fun. I have had to cancel two cruises due to COVID, both for friends. It is heartbreaking to cancel a trip people are so excited about. It is even worse when you feel like the cruise isn’t doing their part for your client. Long stories but I cried after getting off the phone with Carnival. I felt my client was being screwed over and I hate that helpless feeling that that isn’t more I can do. That being said, I do feel like the travel world is trying their best to help and work with their clients and travel agents. I, however, will not book with Carnival again.
• I learned it is ok to cry when you need it. I needed to cry after that call. There were a lot of emotions inside and it felt good to get it out. Also crying frees me from sadness. It allows me to look at things differently after. (Hence why my goal now is to try to get Carnival to change their military rate rules.)
• Sleep is crazy important to my body right now. I am averaging over 9 hours of sleep a night. That is insane! My body couldn’t even consider doing that a few months ago. I am just hoping all of this sleep is helping my body fight and heal.
• I have learned that my dog really would like me to leave the house occasionally. She really doesn’t care to have me around all day as she feels like she needs to keep tabs on me and doesn’t get sound sleep. However, she does seem to enjoy extra walks.
• Small joys make the weeks easier. The piano man from Neon Cactus plays a live show on Facebook every Thursday night from home. I love being able to listen and relax and enjoy a drink of two. Being able to have FaceTime dates with friends is super enjoyable. Taking time to blog about my vacation is nice. I need to enjoy as many little things as I can right now.
• Lastly, this isn’t ending anytime soon. I know that and I think I have come to accept it. I haven’t been angry over the last few days like I was last week. I think I have come to a level of acceptance and trying to make the best of it. I will do my part, social distance when needed and stay home when I can. Thank you all for doing your part to make this end as soon as possible. Let’s all be kind to one another. We will get through this together.