Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment!!! I can’t believe I am almost done. I remember thinking 20 weeks seemed so long when they told me the treatment plan. And here we are, starting week 20 tomorrow and my final treatment.
It is strange…I thought I would be overjoyed. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited, but just not as much as I thought I would be. I can’t figure out why to be honest. All weekend I have wondered why I am not more excited. I have three reasons that I can think of:
- I feel like chemo went really well. I am used to the side effects and know what to expect. Surgery is another unknown. I like knowing what will happen and I will be losing that. Your mind can create horrible thoughts of the unknown but seems to accept what it is already going through.
- I can’t help but feel like something bad is still waiting to happen. I was terrified of chemo, but it really did go well. I know this doesn’t actually make sense, but it is a weird feeling to be waiting for more bad news. Hopefully the MRI tomorrow will only show good news and I can move on from this feeling.
- I will actually miss going to treatments. I know that also sounds crazy but I adore the nurses and for the last few weeks, they have been my only real human interaction that isn’t through a screen or social distanced. (Obviously this reason wouldn’t exist without COVID).
Despite those feelings, I really am ready to finish these treatments and get back to normal. I realize the surgery will throw off that normal, but I will have a few weeks to let my body recover before then. I am hoping the bloody noses stop and I gain more energy.
Tomorrow I get to check off step 3 to beating cancer!!! I will meet with the breast surgeon the following week to finalize the surgery plans.
Step 1- Port put in place- Done!
Step 2- Start Chemo- Done!
Step 3- Finish Chemo- Done tomorrow!
Step 4- Double Mastectomy
Step 5- Bye cancer!
Hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and sane with everything going on. Callie has been occasionally enjoying me being home since this is her new perch in my home office 🙂
Oh and welcome Spring! Love that spring in Colorado means 70 degrees one day and snow the next.
