Sorry for the delay in posting. I officially finished chemo on 4/13! It is nice to get that step done and keep moving forward with the plan. Thank you for all of the amazing messages. I have the greatest friends and family.
Which leads me to the newest information. Last Monday I met with my breast surgeon to get more information about surgery. I am scheduled for a double mastectomy and reconstruction on May 20. There will be a few more appointments leading into surgery, but the next big step is May 20. My parents will be out here to help me since I won’t be able to really use my arms for 2-4 weeks. That is not gonna be easy for me. However, I will mostly forget about this and enjoy the next few weeks. I do not feel any different without chemo, but I assume I will slowly return to normal as I get further away from treatments. As I start week 22, I will likely not have as many updates until closer to surgery.
Ok and before I jump into negative thoughts, here are some of the perks to my last two weeks:
Beautiful flowers from my coworkers 
Yep, it snowed abut 10 inches 
Fun running in the snow 
And now it is 80 degrees out 
Even cooler, is this bald eagle enjoys hanging out at my lake!
The biggest surprise for me has been how hard this past week has been. First thing…don’t read a Holocaust book and watch Man in the High Castle at the same time. It is a lot of Holocaust, which is depressing and leads to some crazy dreams and comparisons.
The reason for the delay of this post is really because I was trying to figure out how to address COVID and some of the recent happenings. I have written this several times as I wanted to address this accordingly. Let me start by saying that I want the economy to come back to life as much as anyone else. I know so many people are struggling and I hate that. To open everything correctly, I believe we need to rely on science and data. I am an engineer and I trust science. I realize that data is changing as we learn more about this disease, which makes knowing how to proceed even harder. However, I put trust in the medical field and data. Rushing to open the economy may lead to backtracking in our success. I remain cautiously optimistic that we can figure out how to help the economy and continue to save lives.
So why have I re-written this blog several times? I have major issues with the protests that have been ongoing around the country. I have struggled to put into words exactly how I feel, but this is the best I can do and yes it is harsh. I am sorry if it offends you in anyway, but my goal with this blog is to be honest about how I feel.
I have no respect for the protesters. I know this is a small portion of the population, but I have struggled with understanding them. Most are not social distancing or wearing masks. I understand being upset but their actions continue to put lives at risk. Some are denying that COVID even exists (not sure how you deny over 200,000 deaths worldwide). I have boiled it down into four categories (I am sure there are more, but these jumped out at me): those fighting for so called liberty or freedom, those wanting unessential things like hair cuts, those believing God will protect them, and those struggling to make ends meet without a job or trying to save their small business.
I feel for the last group. I am fortunate enough to work for a company that is not laying off people (at least not yet). I still get my paycheck and get to work from home. I cannot imagine the stress of losing my job right now. Even worse, I cannot imagine the stress of trying to save my small business. I know people dedicate their lives to these businesses and I cannot imagine how they are feeling right now. I am giving as much as I can back to small business in my area. I want to do everything I can to ensure these businesses open up again. I want to help my neighbors as much as I can. I feel for them and their need to open up again. I can’t imagine worrying about how to keep paying my rent/mortgage or how to keep food on the table. I feel for these people and really hope those fortunate enough to have a job are working to help where we can.
The rest of the groups are selfish. Group 1- those fighting for our so-called liberties and freedom. These stay at home orders are not a denial of your liberties. These restrictions are to save others lives. This is ensuring we don’t overrun our hospitals and create an environment from hell across the country. Your lack of “liberties” are not a denial of your rights, but a way to protect your neighbors, grandparents, friends, and others. This is not a forced thing to control you. This is a forced thing to allow others to live. Your “right” to live life normally will likely lead to more people dying. I love the claim that I am healthy and I should be able to do whatever I want. Who gave you the right to put your life above others?
Group 2- Please…don’t even get me started. If you are selfish enough to put your hairdresser and community at risk to make yourself feel pretty, I don’t know what to say to you. You should be staying at home anyway. Your hairdresser will be happy to see you when it is safe for them and they will fix whatever you think is currently broken. Please do not put your vanity over other people’s lives.
Group 3- I am not overly religious but I agree with the priest that said something like, God gave us brains to think and act to protect ourselves and our community. COVID is targeting religious and non-religious people and people are dying on both sides. Some of the biggest outbreaks are linked to religious gatherings. Please stay home and worship there. Technology has allowed us to still enjoy church, but from the safety of our own homes.
I think the most upsetting is that instead of pulling the country together to fight a common enemy (COVID), it is dividing us further. This disease does not care if you are Republican or Democrat. This is not a partisan issue. We should be pulling together to figure out the best way to save as many people as possible and find unique ideas to save the economy. We need to come together behind science and data to drive ways to open the economy. We shouldn’t be willing to “sacrifice” others for the better of the economy.
I find it appalling that people keep saying we can “sacrifice” lives for the economy. The thought that we can sacrifice the old and the sick reminds me of Nazi Germany (Yes I mentioned I have been reading about and watching shows about the Holocaust). I am one of those “sick”. I have done nothing in my life to deserve cancer. The same goes for those who are immunocomprised or high risk due to so many different diseases. Everyone will be old one day (at least that is normally the goal to grow old). No one in this group is dispensable. Please stop saying they are. These are your friends, family, and neighbors.
These high-risk people can’t always just stay home as I keep hearing others say. I have been going to a doctor’s office every week for 21 weeks. I cannot avoid leaving my house because I needed those treatments to save my life. If the country opens up again when it isn’t ready, a lot of high risk people will be put at risk no matter what they do. Asymptomatic people unwittingly are passing the disease to others and it will get to high risk people. I realize some of us will get sick, but please stop saying we are worth sacrificing.
Another thing I hate is that I feel helpless. I can’t help in my community because I am high risk. I can’t convince people to start to care about others. I instead stay in my house and hope that is helping. I donate to charities and buy gift cards from small businesses. I do the best I can given the situation to help others from the safety of my house. I normally would be out volunteering as much as possible and I can’t wait to get back to that when it is safe for me to do so.
Sorry this went down a dark path, but this is sadly where my mind has been the last week. I am still hoping that we can pull together, but I have serious doubts about that happening. So my plea to anyone reading, please care for your community, neighbors, friends, and family. Be smart when you go out and wear a mask. Avoid large crowds and try to social distance. Care about each other! Stay strong during these hard times and embrace the small things you might have more time for now.
Stay safe and healthy everyone!